Managing Large Gatherings: Dementia-Friendly Tips for Family Events

Successfully navigating large gatherings with a loved one who has dementia requires thoughtful planning and preparation. While it can be challenging, there are steps we can take to make these visits less stressful and more enjoyable for everyone involved.

I won’t sugarcoat it or pretend that I have it all figured out. Many of you have been following my journey long enough to know that’s just not the case. I try hard, but sometimes, I still make mistakes. Maybe you can relate?

My mom has vascular dementia, which makes our large family gatherings particularly challenging. Despite this, I refuse to exclude her. I want her to be with family as much as possible, even if she no longer recognizes the people she once loved, nurtured, and shared countless life experiences with.

She is a constant reminder of God’s faithfulness, even in the face of dementia.

Here’s my mom, always smiling, humming a tune, or dancing a little jig down the hallway. She affectionately refers to everyone as "honey," "sweety," or "Bubba" for the men. Mom is overflowing with love, and everyone around her feels it.

She still talks to God, and I know He comforts her. He's never too busy for any of his children.

Even though large gatherings require some extra thought and preparation, the time spent is well worth it.

How I Manage Large Gatherings with My Mom

Since I usually host our family gatherings and know how difficult crowds can be for someone living with dementia, I ask my brother Mitch to pick up Mom and keep her company until the meal is ready.

I fill her plate first, asking if she’d like some of each dish I know she enjoys. Even though I know her preferences, offering her a choice is a gesture of respect. If she responds with something that doesn’t make sense, I simply nod and continue as if I understand.

I seat her at the big table next to me so I can assist her. As her security blanket, I stay close by.

While Mom adores her grandchildren and great-grandchildren, their noise can make her anxious. To minimize agitation, we have all the kids eat in a nearby room.

It’s important to remember that a person with dementia cannot easily prioritize sounds and may become startled. Crowds can be overwhelming, so it’s best to engage in one-on-one conversations, looking directly at her when speaking.

When she’s finished eating or becomes too distracted to eat, I move her to a quiet room where she can focus. Family members visit her one or two at a time, allowing her to connect with them individually and take pictures.

This approach has been a huge success for us. It allows Mom to visit with the family, focus on each interaction, and it’s memorable for everyone.

I keep a close watch on Mom throughout the gathering. When I see she’s getting tired, I take her to the restroom and then to the bedroom for a nap. This gives her a chance to decompress and regain energy. Usually, after her nap, she’s ready to visit again.

If the weather is nice, we encourage the kids to play outside, keeping the noise level down.

I hope these tips help you create a more enjoyable and dementia-friendly gathering.

Let’s strive to include and honor our elderly loved ones whenever possible, recognizing that it’s not always feasible.

If large gatherings are too upsetting for your loved one, consider having each family visit separately, or without children if that’s a trigger.

Remember, our loved ones aren’t trying to be difficult; they’re having a difficult time. Everything they do requires more mental energy, which can be exhausting.

What strategies do you use to make large gatherings more dementia-friendly?